Going tortoise!

My Instagram bio says 100% genuine.

Hopefully, most of you will know by now how honest and open I try to be on here. I have a real problem with perpetuating the whole ‘fake/one dimensional’ side of social media. Obviously my feed is still a highlight reel but I’m always me. Anyone who’s met me in real life says that I’m like the person that I come across and that is exactly how I want it to be.

My Instagram bio also says positive midlife.

That’s true too. I’m annoyingly positive. I’ve watched the TED talks and read the books. I’ve cracked the code! I know that our brains are wired to default to the negative for safety and survival (from sabre tooth tigers and the like!) so we have to work hard to exercise the positive muscles of the brain. I know that we are what we think so if we think positive things and feel gratitude then we will feel all the good stuff.

Yay! Sorted! I’m bossing at life! Go me!

Except that in spring I started a slow and steady decline into the valley of negativity. I could feel it happening. It didn’t happen overnight. It was very stealth like. I tried to call in my Positivity SAS – exercise, sleep, eating well, getting outside, stroking the dog, having a word with myself, allowing myself some time to feel a bit shit, immersing myself in work activities etc. But the decline continued right to the bottom of the valley where I started to cry. At some point every day. Normally over nothing. Often before I’d even properly opened my eyes. I mean WTF?

Why?

I don’t really know. I still don’t know for sure. 

Options included: the six month winter, a year of Covidtimes, the drastic change to my working life, having a CDB oil break and those bloody unpredictable hormones! Maybe all of the above?!

All I know is that at some point around mid June, the absolute bitch from hell came to camp out on my shoulder and, with the loudest megaphone known to woman, she proceeded to tell me how useless I was, how unattractive and old I was, she even threw in “and you’re meant to be a model!” Who did I think I was trying to create a positive community for midlife women? She also shouted that I was a crap mom, wife, daughter, friend etc. She criticised me in every way that she could about every, single area of my life. 

She was my negative, inner voice and she was proper vile and so very persistent. You don’t want to meet her in a dark alley because she’d duff you up good and proper. I was definitely battered and bruised after my encounter with her. I felt totally useless, inadequate and a complete fraud.

My self esteem and confidence was pretty much in tatters.

When I feel like this I have a tendency to go a ‘bit tortoise.’ I go inside my shell and try and hide from the world, even though this isn’t necessarily the best thing for me. I just can’t help myself…

… a few more weeks have passed since I wrote the above and, while I’m still walking a bit of a tightrope and my self confidence is not totally back in place, things have majorly improved.

Why? I wish I had the answer!

I had a couple of very good chats with great women, I consistently took my CBD oil again and very importantly I started to take a lot more pride in my appearance. This has definitely made a massive improvement to my self esteem. Also my hormones may have fluctuated to a more stable place (who bloody knows what’s going on with them!?) Resilience became my word of the moment and I kept reminding myself that I have an amazing life!

The evil bitch vanished. I started to feel joy again. Frankly I started to feel like me again. 

I just wish that I knew what had changed?!

Maybe I’ll never know and my desire to know the reason why (so that I could sort it out) was only making things worse? 

Maybe at times, you feel just a bit shit for absolutely no reason and you simply have to ride out the storm until you’re plonked back down on the shore, a bit bedraggled, and you pick yourself back up and start again?

All I know is that I’m currently trying to be very kind to myself and it feels so much better than beating myself up!

Silver Sisters

I’ve been really shocked to read some of the posts from these ladies in the last few days. They’ve spoken about the negative comments that they have received from strangers about their choice to go grey.

And that folks is something that I will never understand about this social media malarky. Just because you have an opinion and can share it, it doesn’t mean that you have to!

Personally, you already know that I’m not ready to go grey, however I wish I were, because I feel like I’m being left out of the world’s most supportive, inspiring and empowering girl gang! Obviously though, I’m very pro age and therefore feel angered by the ageist comments thrown at them.

Yet why do some feel the need to judge and criticise others for the personal decisions on how they want to look and feel? Particularly as we age, which can be hard enough some days. 

Frankly, I think it comes down to the person writing the shit. A reflection of their inner issues and rarely anything at all to do with the person who’s sharing a bit of themselves on here. Or maybe they’re just a dick?! 🤷🏼‍♀️

And yes, I do think that it is worse when it’s a woman criticising another woman.

We’re hard enough on ourselves sometimes so let’s do more to build each other up not drag each other down! As the old saying goes, ‘if you haven’t got anything nice to say, then shut the f*k up!’ 

Thanks to these inspiring #silversisters:

@thesilverlining_1970 

@mrsimperfection 

@thin_latin_moose 

@thefiftyist 

 #Bekind

Top Tips for positive ageing

I often talk about positive ageing but I have had a few comments about what it actually means. So this is what it means to me. 

I think that these work for everyone, whatever your age. I know that my worst phase of ageing was my late 20s heading towards 30. I absolutely dreaded it and had a bit of a ‘midlife’ crisis!

For me personally, it’s mainly about having a positive mindset as much as possible (Remember – having a positive attitude can add another seven years onto your life!) and taking control of the areas of my health and wellbeing that I can actually influence.

However, I’m sure that positive ageing means different things to each of us so I’d love to hear what it means to you in the comments below. I look forward to learning more! 

Getting to know you!

Well it seems like it has been 18 months since my last ‘getting to know me’ post so I thought that it might be about time for another! 

I don’t want to repeat myself, so I’ll post the last two from 2019 to my ‘hello’ highlight on Instagram if you want to find out more useless stuff about me!

1. I can tap dance. My favourite step is a quadruple time step!
2. I can’t sing but I love to do it so much. Loudly and badly. But I can’t tell you how I’d love to be able to do it so that it didn’t make ears bleed! Magic wand please! 
3. If I had to live in a totally dark world or a totally silent world, I would choose a dark world as I could not live without music.
4. Food is one of my greatest joys in life.
5. Change your thoughts and you’ll change your world is a quote that I live by.
6. I’m not a fan of small talk but love anyone who gets real and open.
7. I’m a water baby. I love being in it, next to it or on it.
8. I don’t like coffee but still ‘go for a coffee!’
9. I have a weird fascination with wind turbines.
10. Quite often I prefer dogs and plants over humans but when I find wonderful human beings, I think that they are bloody awesome. Luckily for me, I’ve even found some beautiful souls on here! 😘

So there you go! Learnt anything new? Any mutual feelings there? 

Happy weeks ahead. Hope the sun keeps shining for you. 

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Midlife makeup lesson

Anyone remember the heavy blue and green eye shadow from the 80s?⁣

And then do you remember those ladies who carried on the trend way after it was considered flattering? ⁣
⁣Now, I’m not a massive follower of trends so if it makes you feel good, crack on! However I do think that getting stuck in a rut and doing what we’ve always done with the products we’ve always used can be a bit ageing. Products change so fast and many brands are now created with ageing skins in mind (@studio10makeup I’m thinking of you! 😍) They are so much more flattering than something that we may have loved in the past.⁣

With that in mind, I invited Sian @flicks_and_red_lips from @so_coco_rouge to one of my #midlifeglowup chats which was full of top tips and advice. If you haven’t had chance to watch yet, go to my IGTV and give it a save now!⁣

This week I caught up with Sian again and as it was half term I invited my (mainly) teacher friends, and my daughter, along for a virtual makeup lesson. I haven’t seen them all in real life since September so it was a lovely way to see each other but do something completely different together.⁣

We all used the make up in our own bags, (so no pressure to buy anything new) and Sian gave us a step by step demonstration on how to create our own ‘face.’ Undoubtedly we all learnt something new and I definitely now have more confidence on how to do a blended eye. So watch out. There may be some more colourful eye shadow posts on the way!! ⁣

Have a swipe to see more of the results and the before.⁣

Products I used:⁣
Serum foundation & lipstick @bobbibrownuk 
Blush & lipliner @studio10makeup 
Eye shadow @toofacedlovestheuk 
Lip gloss @trinnylondon 

Never have I ever. Part 2 – the clothing edition.

Happy Monday folks! ⁣

Fancy another game of never have I ever to start the week? This time it’s the ‘clothing edition.’ ⁣

I’ll start you off – never have I ever worn animal print! 😱 I know! It’s a massive Instafave but I’m not great with a pattern. Check out the photo of my wardrobe! 🙈 It’s something that I’m looking to improve after my #midlifeglowup chat with @katie.portman in a couple of weeks. ⁣

Your turn! What trend have you never tried?! ⁣